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Showing posts from 2014

Hit The Delete Button

 So much to say! No need to repeat my complete health story, just enough to say that I believe the report of the Doctor! That’s right the Doctor. No secret that over the past several months I have had many attacks on my body and brain. The latest round of strokes and small seizures since then,  had me convinced that I would never be productive again. I have been told that I have blood disorders, Dementia, learning disabilities, and on and on. They were real. I felt them in my body, and the CT Scans, MRI’s, and other tests confirmed everything that I was told and experiencing. I was even declared “disabled” by the state. The last blow came when I was seen by a Neuropsychologist and given some basic testing a few weeks ago. I talked with her and told her that I wanted to be productive again. She asked me how my two last jobs worked out, knowing that I lost them because of my inability to produce. My answered was “I failed”. She asked me if I wanted to fail again and obviously I said

Here I Am, Now Provide

So even this is a new record for me. 3 AM! AS I lay wide awake in bed wondering why I cannot sleep and feel so wide awake I was reminded of a story where a young boy would hear someone calling his name in the middle of the night, night after night. His mentor recognized what was going on and told him that the next time it happens say "here am I". So I did that and the words "I will provide" came to me. For the past few years there have been two songs that go thru my head and I listen to in my car repeatedly when I am all alone. The first song is "Carry On My Wayward Son" by Kansas. That has been my favorite all time song as long as I can remember. The message is "carry on my wayward son, there'll be peace when you get done, lay your weary head to rest, don't you cry no more". The other song is "Bring The Rain" by MercyMe. It starts out " I can count a million times, people asking me how I can praise You, with all that I&

Remember Who We Are

 Another early morning with a head full of thoughts. I was thinking of everything I have been thru over the past 7 years and especially over the past last year. And I think to myself "WOW". There must be a plan for my life. And then I started to think about my sons and what they have been thru and how they each are constructed similarly but different. And then I started to think about my all my nieces and nephew and who they are and what they all have become, and I realized; "I'm just a part of a bigger plan and along for the ride!" My father, their grandfather, must be so proud. Let me start in order by age. Nicole, raising two of the funniest girls on the planet and is an RN. She is like the older sister to all of the rest and keeps them in line. Aric, has two great kids, awesome guitar/bass player, went to Iraq and God covered him, and then lived thru a parachute malfunction and fell to the earth to live. Where was the news to cover that. Aaron, create

Resting in His Arms

Last night I received a phone call that could potentially change my life in a very positive and anticipated way. As I was talking about it with my wife, I tried to make plans, and even asked many people for advice and help in preparing for an upcoming meeting that came out of that phone call. After about an hour or so, my mother simply said "maybe you are asking the wrong people". I said "HUH?" She said "maybe you need to be asking Jesus". So I really couldn't come up with anything smart to say and a few minutes later she went to bed. So once again I wake up this morning before time even starts and all of these things keep spinning thru my head from every direction. What am I going to do today? When will certain decisions be made by others that effect my life? What lesson am I supposed to be learning here? And on and on and on.... Then I hear a voice say to me "just rest here". Just like that my mind becomes a blank slate and the anxiety st

Waiting

 I woke up again at 4:21am so I am starting to think there is something up. The words "those that wait for God, will renew their strength" keep ringing thru my head. These days I have not too many other choices except to wait for God. Then the old song and verse starts playing out in my "damaged" brain.  But here is how the words come out to me rather than some old King James English version. "They will keep moving at a fast pace and never grow tired or fe el like stopping, they shall walk and not slow to a pace where they quit."  Right now I find myself waiting for God to do whatever it is he is going to do in my life. For the first time in my adult life I find myself in a position where I literally cannot do anything to help or change my situation. It's kind of a helpless and depressing situation. But the simple fact that I keep waking up at 4:21am everyday with some words in my head that believe are placed there by God has gotten my attention. I

The Skill of Social Perceptiveness

Being aware of others' reactions and understanding why they react as they do A long time ago a business mentor of mine began to talk to me about being aware of what others thought, heard, and observed. He told me that there were six sides to every conversation. 1. What I wanted to say. 2. What I think I said. 3. What I actually said. 4. What others wanted to hear. 5. What others thought they heard. 6. What others actually heard Over the past 25 years I have learned thru hard life lessons that my opinion and views were not always correct, and I could offend more people than I could win over by pushing my views too hard. I come from a very opinionated family that all attended church, and believed it was our way or no way. Through my early adult life I never had too many friends, and the ones I had came from a very similar upbringing. I grew up in a very rural Upstate NY town where nearly everyone was a white Christian. It wasn’t until I began working in a call center as a

More Blessed Than you

 Don't look down on those who are less "blessed" than you. I don't use the word "fortunate" because that means you deserve what you have. Respect the fact that you are in a "blessed situation" because of the sacrifice and giving of someone else other than you.  Parents, grandparents, relatives, and even people you do not know have made sacrifices in one way or another that have  effected your situation for the better. Just as you can be held accountable for the shortcomings of your ancestors, you can also be "blessed" by the favor of your ancestors.  Don't speak harshly of those who are less "blessed" than you because you have no clue of the sacrifices they have made and may be making so that their descendants can be "blessed" like you someday. Honor and respect those that have made it possible for you to be in your "blessed situation".  Don't bad mouth them in the absence of their presence. Thi

All Things

 I woke up very early today and as I sit here pondering everything I have gone thru over the past year, the words "ALL THINGS work together for those who love God". I know many others who are going thru various struggles and must sit and wonder everyday like I do, ..."Why?".... People all have a free will to do what they want, when they want. Me personally, I want answers and  fixes NOW.  But God reminds me that he has a plan for me and wants to FIX my situation...NOW... But given the fact that he gave us all a free will, sometimes even God waits on others to do what needs to be done; those things that will effect my situation positively. People use the phrase " the planets must have been all aligned". Well I just realized that various peoples actions need to be aligned in order for Gods plan for me to take place.  Even my own! God won't "force" anyone to do anything. So rather than pray for an instant microwaved miracle, pray that God le